i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
