she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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