I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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