how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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