I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
