found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
