I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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