I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
