am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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