More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
