I cut my penus on the lid.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
