i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
