so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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