I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
