Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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