you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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