He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They took my balls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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