we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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