Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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