I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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