I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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