Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
