Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
