theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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