I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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