He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
