I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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