Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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