Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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