i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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