Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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