Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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