and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go