I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place