Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties