i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you