god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.