the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here