I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim