I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
