I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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