May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize