so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
