i wish my penis had a tongue
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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