Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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