I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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