I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
