shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
