we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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