a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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