it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
