I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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