i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
These tits shall not be calmed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize