making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize