Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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