I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
