Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

  (212): View more from New York

  Vagina

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  (917): Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type? (212): Vagina http://tfl.nu/du5r
  Replies (9) Good night (2375) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery

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  (254): When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery http://tfl.nu/move
  Replies (17) Good night (4571) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him

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  (845): I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him http://tfl.nu/y1pg
  Replies (7) Good night (1130) Bad night (2902)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

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  (513): I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before. http://tfl.nu/ut58
  Replies (25) Good night (4814) Bad night (1676)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,

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  (484): Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me, http://tfl.nu/qbcn
  Replies (16) Good night (2362) Bad night (4182)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.

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  (716): He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies. http://tfl.nu/v70e
  Replies (8) Good night (4214) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?

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  (801): On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/cd3c
  Replies (10) Good night (3160) Bad night (855)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3473) Bad night (951)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me

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  (330): I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me http://tfl.nu/zsgz
  Replies (2) Good night (1135) Bad night (1854)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember

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  (251): He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember http://tfl.nu/p8oz
  Replies (2) Good night (1620) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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  (917): My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case http://tfl.nu/1awx
  Replies (3) Good night (1866) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.

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  (330): The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg. http://tfl.nu/v4p7
  Replies (3) Good night (1344) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.

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  (949): Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto. http://tfl.nu/ns0m
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"

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  (989): I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor" http://tfl.nu/29c1
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

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  (330): We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. http://tfl.nu/07yn
  Replies (6) Good night (816) Bad night (329)

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