It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.