Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dicks are not precious.