Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.