there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?