i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
